Making the Future Female


QUESTION: Do you have confidence in the integrity of your Con Den coalition government?


QUESTION: Did you think senior politicians work to the highest moral standards when promoted to the most important government offices in the country?

ANSWER: You must be deranged

QUESTION: What kind of SELF-SERVING SHIT becomes a Tory Party Chairman?

ANSWER: Grant “Slimy” Shapps

Below are details of three articles which show Grant “Shitty-Shitty Bang Bang” Shapps to be everything you ever thought a top Tory would be – Shifty, Self-serving, Bent, Duplicitous, Grubby and Money-grabbing.

Google’s blacklisted websites run by the family of the newly promoted Tory party co-chairman, Grant “Suck it and see” Shapps, for breaching rules on copyright infringement. At least 19 sites run by the wife, sister or 75-year-old mother of  “Silly-Billy” Shapps have been banned from carrying Google’s adverts and been relegated to the bottom of its search results.

The network of websites, which include


breached the rules by replicating content from other sites in a process known as “spinning and scraping” in order to jump higher up Google’s search rankings and increase advertising revenue.

“We take copyright very seriously and invest significant time and money in keeping advertisers and publishers that violate our policies out of our network,” Google said in a statement. “We ban ads from advertisers involved in activities that infringe on copyright from using our systems and prohibits publishers that violate copyright from participating in AdSense.”

The new Conservative chairman, Grant “Sticky Fingers” Shapps, appears to have found a technique to boost his Twitter followers to more than 55,000. research show that “Stinkbomb” Shapps, at regular intervals, increases the number of people he follows by as many as 5,000 and if they do not follow him back, he unfollows them.

Analysis of his activity on Twitter shows regular, sudden surges in the number of people he follows succeeded a week later by a sudden decline. The research was conducted by Yatterbox, a political marketing consultancy firm specialising in monitoring all social media activity of politicians.

Matt “F**k Me” Freckleton, managing director of Yatterbox said: “Several people have brought this to our attention and it has already made some press headlines. After doing some research we were able to compile some graphs which suggest that Grant “Stabber” Shapps – or someone with access to his account is


regularly and purposely following and unfollowing many thousands of people on Twitter. It is quite normal for anybody to unfollow people on Twitter, but when it is done in such large numbers on such a frequent basis it does raise questions as to what is going on and why.”

The activities of the new Tory party chairman, Grant “Sawn-Off” Shapps, were under renewed scrutiny after it emerged that he secretly altered his Wikipedia biography to edit out references to his performance at school, political gaffes and the identity of donors to his private office.

The Observer discovered that “Shyster” Shapps deleted a whole range of information from the online encyclopedia, including, curiously, a reference to his time at Watford Grammar School for boys where the site had claimed he “obtained four O-levels including an A in CDT”.  

“Slug Boy” Shapps justified his edits as the removal of politically slanted or unreferenced details and by claiming “content must be verifiable”.

More controversially, however, “Screaming Lord” Shapps also struck out a section on a record of donations for his private office – again anonymously. In the original entry, the Wikipedia biography said: “It was revealed in May 2008 that Grant “Stinky” Shapps, along with other shadow ministers, had taken large donations from companies related to his frontbench portfolio … The revelations were potentially damaging for “Show-me-the-Money” Shapps given the extent of the donations he had received – tens of thousands of pounds from two online mortgage brokers, an estate agent, a commercial property developer and a firm of solicitors specialising in conveyancing and remortgaging – and the suggestion that these might be influencing Conservative policies.”

The section referred to a letter “Shitty” Shapps sent to the parliamentary commissioner in 2008 admitting that industry donations were used to run the private office of the holder of his Tory housing brief, although many were said to have been recruited during the tenure of “Simple Simon” Shapps’s predecessor, Michael “Groper” Gove. The original Wikipedia page also said: “Grant “Squatter” Shapps has also received media attention for a number of unfortunate gaffes during his time on the Conservative frontbench.”

This info was removed and in its place, “ShapeShifter” Shapps added a glowing testimony to his own work on homelessness. Writing in the third person, he added: “His work became sufficiently influential within the homelessness sector when he launched the Homelessness Foundation with Conservative leader David “Cannibal” Cameron in May 2008 and leading lights from the sector all joined the advisory panel of the Homelessness Foundation.”

7 responses

  1. Brilliant! And I like your alternative names as well. Retwittering now.

    September 9, 2012 at 8:53 am

    • Thanks matey – that was my fave bit as well 🙂
      Great minds…

      September 9, 2012 at 9:06 am

  2. Hi, I was not sure how to contact you so you can delete/unnaprove this comment as it’s not exactly relevant. In regards to government corruption, there is a huge scandal going on right now that not a lot of people are talking about. Robert Holmes, James Homles father (the suspected murderer) either was or still is set to testify on a case against some of the largest names in the banking industry. He works as a lead scientist for FICO (the credit score company) developed algorithms that trace funds, and his algorithm can track trillions of stolen dollars and put names on them. Effectively bringing down the whole house of cards.

    Not to get too conspiracy on you, but Holmes was a perfectly normal person up until he moved to Colorado. He can’t even speak his name in court right now. There is much speculation right now that he is the product of a manchurian candidate. There’s evidence of another suspect at the scene of the crime, 2 gas masks, a trail of blood out the back, someone who got a call and opened the back door during the movie. He didn’t act alone.

    Anyway, I am going to start writing my next novel within the week- this has given me something really chewy to bite on. I thought you would be interested in possibly running a blog story and spreading the word.

    See for yourself:

    @ Around 1 hour 18 minutes into the video there are details.

    September 9, 2012 at 4:21 pm

    • Cheers Mate – I’ll have a look – good luck with the writing!

      September 9, 2012 at 4:25 pm

    • Cheers Mate – I’ll have a look – good luck with the writing!
      The video has been blocked. I’ve had a quick look around the net and as you say the story’s about all over the place but as to it’s veracity – who knows? I’ll check a little more mate

      September 9, 2012 at 4:33 pm

      • Yeah I can’t find much, everything has been so hush about this. If you find anything let me know. This whole thing reeks, though.

        September 9, 2012 at 4:40 pm

      • Okay – will do

        September 9, 2012 at 7:10 pm

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