Making the Future Female

Posts tagged “michael gove


As the Conservatives – AKA The Party of the Rich – prepare for their annual conference in Birmingham, British people are realising in greater number than ever before just how little the elite politicians care about ordinary citizens.

An example of this can be seen in how the Tories are aiming to allow the mainsteam communications media to continue to self-regulate, even as the scandal of phone-hacking is still being investigated, and police are still in the process of questioning and charging possible criminal suspects.

It is exactly the same with the financial crisis: the failed and disgraced bankers and financiers are close friends, colleagues and relatives of members of the Tory Party – that is why there have been no arrests stemming from the actions leading to the world recession.

Not only that, but Cameron has appointed individuals from the worst offending banks to sit on committees considering Britain’s finances and made others government officials.

Those close to the corridors of power suggest this is because the politicians know that it will be easier to sneak this lack of statutory regulation through before any high profile sentences are passed against the Prime Minister’s former media secretary, Andy Coulson, and close friend Rebekah Brooks.

Hacked Off said it was concerned by comments made by Tory ministers.

Appearing before the inquiry, the education secretary, Michael Gove, argued against the statutory regulation of the press and urged Leveson to “consider carefully” his proposals. 

Theresa May, home secretary, has given a warning on possible “unintended consequences” if self-regulation were scrapped. Gove, of course, formerly worked for Murdoch’s News International, a subsidary of News Corp.

On 5 July 2011 in partnership with Professor Brian Cathcart and other concerned individuals, the Media Standards Trust formed the “Hacked Off” campaign.

The Media Standards Trust was formed in 2006 to address concerns of a deterioration in journalistic standards at a time when the media were becoming enormously powerful while remaining largely opaque and unaccountable.


Channel 4 investigative programme Dispatches exposes what Michael “Groper” Gove and his rich chums are doing to kid’s dinners.

As usual with the ConDems, it’s all about saving money to give to the rich.

After Jamie Oliver’s high-profile campaign to improve school meals, millions of pounds were pumped into improving school canteens and tough minimum standards on food and nutrition were set and enforced. Reporter Tazeen Ahmad examines evidence that strategies to improve the food served in all our schools are fast coming undone.

A hundred and ninety local authorities and 108 Academy schools responded to a survey by the programme, which found massive variations in the amount spent on dinners, with some schools opting out of providing a daily hot meal altogether.

Dispatches visits one English primary school where the only hot food available to children is supplied by volunteers working from the local village hall.

Around half of our children now attend Academy Schools, free from local control. Education Secretary Michael Gove exempted them from nutritional standards introduced by the last government, promising that standards would not deteriorate.

However, the Dispatches survey provides worrying new evidence about previously banned products being made available to pupils. The programme speaks to one catering supplier who says that once again many schools are now looking to source cheap, low-quality products.

One parent did his own detective work to discover out of the £2.10 per meal charged by one council, only 59 pence was being spent on ingredients.

As a consequence many children are voting with their feet, either bringing their own packed lunches or going outside school and eating from take-aways.

Dispatches examines the councils trying to fight back and restrict the growth of fast food outlets near schools, and reveals the national chain reluctant to take no for an answer.


QUESTION: Do you have confidence in the integrity of your Con Den coalition government?


QUESTION: Did you think senior politicians work to the highest moral standards when promoted to the most important government offices in the country?

ANSWER: You must be deranged

QUESTION: What kind of SELF-SERVING SHIT becomes a Tory Party Chairman?

ANSWER: Grant “Slimy” Shapps

Below are details of three articles which show Grant “Shitty-Shitty Bang Bang” Shapps to be everything you ever thought a top Tory would be – Shifty, Self-serving, Bent, Duplicitous, Grubby and Money-grabbing.

Google’s blacklisted websites run by the family of the newly promoted Tory party co-chairman, Grant “Suck it and see” Shapps, for breaching rules on copyright infringement. At least 19 sites run by the wife, sister or 75-year-old mother of  “Silly-Billy” Shapps have been banned from carrying Google’s adverts and been relegated to the bottom of its search results.

The network of websites, which include


breached the rules by replicating content from other sites in a process known as “spinning and scraping” in order to jump higher up Google’s search rankings and increase advertising revenue.

“We take copyright very seriously and invest significant time and money in keeping advertisers and publishers that violate our policies out of our network,” Google said in a statement. “We ban ads from advertisers involved in activities that infringe on copyright from using our systems and prohibits publishers that violate copyright from participating in AdSense.”

The new Conservative chairman, Grant “Sticky Fingers” Shapps, appears to have found a technique to boost his Twitter followers to more than 55,000. research show that “Stinkbomb” Shapps, at regular intervals, increases the number of people he follows by as many as 5,000 and if they do not follow him back, he unfollows them.

Analysis of his activity on Twitter shows regular, sudden surges in the number of people he follows succeeded a week later by a sudden decline. The research was conducted by Yatterbox, a political marketing consultancy firm specialising in monitoring all social media activity of politicians.

Matt “F**k Me” Freckleton, managing director of Yatterbox said: “Several people have brought this to our attention and it has already made some press headlines. After doing some research we were able to compile some graphs which suggest that Grant “Stabber” Shapps – or someone with access to his account is


regularly and purposely following and unfollowing many thousands of people on Twitter. It is quite normal for anybody to unfollow people on Twitter, but when it is done in such large numbers on such a frequent basis it does raise questions as to what is going on and why.”

The activities of the new Tory party chairman, Grant “Sawn-Off” Shapps, were under renewed scrutiny after it emerged that he secretly altered his Wikipedia biography to edit out references to his performance at school, political gaffes and the identity of donors to his private office.

The Observer discovered that “Shyster” Shapps deleted a whole range of information from the online encyclopedia, including, curiously, a reference to his time at Watford Grammar School for boys where the site had claimed he “obtained four O-levels including an A in CDT”.  

“Slug Boy” Shapps justified his edits as the removal of politically slanted or unreferenced details and by claiming “content must be verifiable”.

More controversially, however, “Screaming Lord” Shapps also struck out a section on a record of donations for his private office – again anonymously. In the original entry, the Wikipedia biography said: “It was revealed in May 2008 that Grant “Stinky” Shapps, along with other shadow ministers, had taken large donations from companies related to his frontbench portfolio … The revelations were potentially damaging for “Show-me-the-Money” Shapps given the extent of the donations he had received – tens of thousands of pounds from two online mortgage brokers, an estate agent, a commercial property developer and a firm of solicitors specialising in conveyancing and remortgaging – and the suggestion that these might be influencing Conservative policies.”

The section referred to a letter “Shitty” Shapps sent to the parliamentary commissioner in 2008 admitting that industry donations were used to run the private office of the holder of his Tory housing brief, although many were said to have been recruited during the tenure of “Simple Simon” Shapps’s predecessor, Michael “Groper” Gove. The original Wikipedia page also said: “Grant “Squatter” Shapps has also received media attention for a number of unfortunate gaffes during his time on the Conservative frontbench.”

This info was removed and in its place, “ShapeShifter” Shapps added a glowing testimony to his own work on homelessness. Writing in the third person, he added: “His work became sufficiently influential within the homelessness sector when he launched the Homelessness Foundation with Conservative leader David “Cannibal” Cameron in May 2008 and leading lights from the sector all joined the advisory panel of the Homelessness Foundation.”


SHIFTY GRADES OF FEY by Billy Spooner (2012 The Satirical Press) is a hugely readable trilogy based loosely on the life and times of the UK education secretary Michael Gove. In this fast paced story, author Billy Spooner paints a nightmarish picture of a government department gone mad. The protagonist, Mickey Grope, is a demon-worshipping former News International executive that sells his soul to the Devil in the hope of becoming Prime Minister. Clearly the plot owes much to the classic Doctor Faustus, but Spooner kicks this timeless tale smack into the zeitgeist of the postmodern era and will no doubt leave readers clamouring for the next instalment. This is such an important book for so many reasons, and in this reviewer’s opinion, probably the best of its type since Jeffry Archer literally resuscitated the publishing world with his world-changing Cain and Unable.

The plot hinges on the decision of Grope to fiddle with a million school kid’s exam grades. However, unbeknownst to the evil EdSec (surely an allusion to Orwell’s 1984) a coven of white witches has taken over the leadership of the National Union of Teachers (NUTS) and plan to dance sky clad down Whitehall and confront Grope in his dungeon hidden beneath the department offices. Without spoiling the tremendously gripping denouement, suffice it to say the greasy Grope gets his comeuppance when the neo-pagan ladies utilise their magic broomsticks in a manner perhaps best left to the reader’s imagination in a family-oriented publication such as this.

This book will certainly generate massive controversy and conservatives, religious folk and those with a gentle disposition are warned to keep well away, but if you like your fantasy raw and close to the knuckle it’s a rollercoaster read you will return to again and again.

Available now at all good bookshops.

What they’re saying about Shifty Grades of Fey by Billy Spooner

“We can clearly see in Shifty Grades of Fey that there is no bi-univocal correspondence between linear signifying links or archi-writing, depending on the author, and this multireferential, multi-dimensional machinic catalysis. The symmetry of scale, the transversality, the pathic non-discursive character of their expansion: all these dimensions remove us from the logic of the excluded middle and reinforce us in our dismissal of the ontological binarism we criticised previously.”  Postmodernist Psychoanalyst Félix Guattari.

“Pass the Biltong…” Rush Limbaugh

“I laughed until I was wet!” Sarah Palin

“In Shifty Grades of Fey, singularities-events correspond to heterogeneous series which are organized into a system which is neither stable nor unstable, but rather ‘metastable’, endowed with a potential energy wherein the differences between series are distributed… In the second place, singularities possess a process of auto-unification, always mobile and displaced to the extent that a paradoxical element traverses the series and makes them resonate, enveloping the corresponding singular points in a single aleatory point and all the emissions, all dice throws, in a single cast.”  Gilles Deleuze

“Gott in Himmel!” Angela Merkel

“Better than being married to Peter Andre…” Katy Perry

“The meta-narrative of Shifty Grades of Fey is subsumed in the luminal attraction to the association of fluidity with femininity. Whereas men have sex organs that protrude and become rigid, women have openings that leak menstrual blood and vaginal fluids… From this perspective it is no wonder that so-called fiction has not been able to arrive at a successful model for neo-pagan vicissitudes. The lacunae raised in Shifty Grades of Fey cannot be further illuminated because the conceptions of fictions (and of women) have been formulated so as necessarily to leave unarticulated remainders.” Katherine Hayles

“Should make millions!” Books and Bookmen

“I wish I’d written it…” Dan Brown

“This disgusting tome, this depraved story, this worthless piece of junk entitled Shifty Grades of Fey is yet another example of what soon-to-be-ex-President Obama has done to the once proud North American tradition of literary culture and academic learning. When I have the privilege to this lead this great Nation, then this sort of Godless scribbling will be quickly made illegal and those that write, if write is not too strong a word, such garbage will be judged by God Almighty, and surely fade and fall into Eternal Hellfire where they so rightly belong. Amen!” Mitt Romney

“Cor blimey!” Margaret Thatcher

“Perhaps Shifty Grades of Fey should be regarded as a chaotic formation, in which acceleration puts an end to linearity and the turbulence created by acceleration deflects history definitively from its end, just as such turbulence distances effects from their causes.” Richard Dawkins

“Billy’s really gone and done it now..!”  Quentin Jerome Tarantino

“The main theme of Shifty Grades of Fey is sexual identity and the common ground between class and art. Therefore, a number of deappropriations concerning poststructural objectivism may be found.” Stephen Hanfkopf – Dept. of Literature Yale University

UK Cabinet to Star in New Disney Movie

Yes readers – remember where you heard the news first…