Making the Future Female

Posts tagged “pastor

Bible Bollocks and Christian Crap


The Bullshit Bible is back in showbiz. Darren Aronofsky has a bearded Russell Crowe for Noah. The documentary Bible Quiz is in post-production. Will Smith’s directorial debut will be Cain and Abel (reportedly with a vampire twist). Paul Verhoeven’s Jesus of Nazareth has its finance in place. Justin Theroux is rewriting Swear to God – a comedy about a hedge-fund manager who has seen the Almighty. Ridley Scott, Warner Bros – with a rumour of Spielberg directing – and the Chernin Entertainment Company all have Moses movies. Mary Mother of Christ, a film about the life of Jesus up to age 12, is currently prepping, as is Langston Hughes’s Black Nativity, with a cast of Samuel L Jackson, Angela Bassett and Jennifer Hudson. And earlier this week, a Pontius Pilate movie was greenlit.

What was it that H L Mencken said? 

Nobody ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American people…


When did YOU stop believing in God?


I was 8 and a half. I wanted a bike and my mum said “No”.

I was in the back bedroom at home and thinking how to get a bike and the idea came to me – why not pray for one?

I considered this and realized that if folk could get things by praying, then everyone would have exactly what they wanted. But it was obvious that wasn’t the case. Therefore, I concluded, there could be no God.

God was just like Father Christmas – something made up by adults.

It was a powerful experience.

Soon after I was at school and a short, balding, fierce, Scottish Presbyterian teacher took over from my normal teacher who was ill. His name was Mr Kerr. His idea for the lesson was to ask kids for types of books and he would locate them in the Bible – his point being that everything was in the holy book. As might be expected from 9-year-olds, the calls from the class tended to be along predictable lines. So sports, history, adventure and suspense were all offered and the teacher fielded each one easily.

Eventually he asked me. “Science Fiction?” I suggested. The cleverer kids in the class laughed out loud, seeing the joke. The teacher scowled at me, tried to think of an answer, then quickly finished the lesson.

1-0 to the atheists!

Now I have my sights on the outrageous claims of miracle cures for cancer and the like made by the local Renewal Christian Centre. The pastor is the ultimate in slippery salesmen. He was a life assurance executive and then a soccer agent. It’s hard to think of a less spiritual background.

He’s now a governor of a local high school and former TV evangelist. I’ve written to the local paper (although they haven’t printed it yet – more details to follow if I find they’re in league with the self-styled church) explaining what his organisation is doing and blogged about his congregation repeating this nonsense to all and sundry.

I had a run-in with one of his acolytes yesterday at the local gym. Sadly these poor people don’t know their elbows from their arses – which no doubt suits the pastor down to the ground.

We have to fight against this evil because they will try to stop kids learning about science, history and social sciences because a little knowledge destroys their fairy stories. I’m also very concerned about the gender relations these idiots espouse and the awful hatred their “God of Love” engenders.

By the way, does anyone know if Christians mentioned “love” before the 1960’s? I think it’s a new thing. I don’t remember the Inquisition talking about love, although I know The Beatles did.

So readers, when did YOU stop believing in the lie of God?